Wednesday, January 21, 2009

I'm not going to care when I last posted anymore. If I feel like posting up seven entries in one day, I'm going to do it, haha! I'm a little sick today, no thanks to my weird stomach giving me problems at half past three in the morning! Woke up just to vomit, and then was in too much pain to go back to sleep. And then I went to school as usual, and was quite surprised that I managed to go through the whole three hour lesson without dying on my lecturer, haha! I've been trying to keep myself positive so far, and I must admit, today is one of the toughest days so far. But I am proud to admit that I did not give in, and succeeded! Hahaha, I still have a very long way more to go. It's still too early to be celebrating, but then again, I need something to boost my morale and keep me going. Right, I know I said that I will use my will power NOT to mention HIM again, but I'm going back on my word, just this once. I have to get it out of my heart before I explode.
I used to think that I'm strong enough to be contented standing in the sidelines knowing that he doesn't even remember that I exist if I don't remind him once in a while. But I would be lying when I say that it doesn't hurt. IT HURTS LIKE HELL! I mean what I said when I said that I would be happy if he was happy, but then the pain far greater outweighs the happiness! Humans are such selfish creatures, aren't we? I'm going to have to learn to let go, though it has never been in my nature to do so. I'm always so stupid, learning from the mistakes that others made, but never learning from my ow so I keep repeating and repeating the same old thing over and over again. Stop hoping for things that are impossible! Move on!
Haha, after that really very long rant, I feel much better now, haha! People who actually bother reading my blog must be suffering from the whiplash created from the sudden change of moods. Maybe that's why the sea is always refered to as a woman, because one moment the sea can be calm and the next thing you know, the vessel you are on capsized, haha! Okay, enough insanity for one entry, shall save more for the next ones, haha! Anyway, that should be all for now, since I am already feeling better anyway...

Time: 2225
Date: 21/01/2009

Shida | 6:10 AM | comments